Our Fears Hold Us Back
Updated: Jul 21, 2021
Today I want to talk to you about FEARS and making decisions.
The reality is, it is very rare to make decisions, especially life changing ones, without having some level of fear.
Have you ever had the feeling of really wanting to do something - but not doing it because you’re scared?
Have you dreamt about all you COULD be, the life you DREAM of - but then your inner-critic tells you “You can’t do that”?
Have you ever said any of these things to yourself?
I’m not good enough
I don’t deserve this
I can’t do that
I’m a disappointment
And any other limiting belief you may have or have heard?
Of course you have. You’re human!
There is not a single person in the world who doesn’t and hasn’t had their inner-critic show up at some stage and tell them they’re not good enough… that they can’t do this… that they shouldn’t do that.... And if someone says they never have a doubt show up for them - I call bullshit.
Do you want to know the only difference between you and the people you look up to for inspiration and admire?
They saw their fears, did the work and decided to take action anyway.
They didn’t let their negative self-talk stop them from achieving what they want.
They decided to make change and take action.
So, let’s look at some practical steps when it comes to fear and limiting beliefs.
Write down all of the negative or limiting things you say to yourself along with your fears.
Journal on where these beliefs and fears come from.
Who said this to you?
Were you held to a certain standard by your family and peers, which has formed this belief?
Did you try to avoid conflict, which has made you believe you need to be perfect or your a failure?
Get really inquisitive about WHY you say these things to yourself and WHERE it comes from.
Reframe it.
Write a new belief that you now choose to be your truth.
Make it either positive or neutral (eg. I'm not good enough... reframe: I am worthy OR I am trying my best
Say this reframe to yourself EVERY DAY! Multiple times a day, until that voice of doubt is no longer the loudest voice in your head
Take Action
Take action despite not fully believing in yourself. By making the decision to take action, you’re sending a very clear message that you know you are worthy and no matter how loud your voice of fear is - you’re going to do it anyway!
I’ll walk you through an example of one of my old limiting beliefs. And I say one, because there have been many. There still are.
My biggest limiting belief was that I’m a disappointment.
The fear I associated with that was both the fear of failure and the fear of success - but my fear of success was much stronger. Failure wasn’t an option, but SUCCESS was petrifying.
This belief came from my mum. And definitely not because she told me I was a disappointment, or put me down, or anything like that - quite the opposite actually.
Mum wanted the best for me. She saw my strengths, passion, intelligence and ability. She wanted the best for me.
But as you would know, if you've listened to the first episode of my podcast, I lost myself for quite some time - and whenever I didn’t achieve the results either her or I wanted or expected - I was subconsciously taking on this belief of I’m a disappointment.
The knowledge and deep understanding of where this belief came from didn’t just come to me in one go, it was after many years of soul-searching - so if you have a limiting belief and you don’t know where it comes from - please don’t be hard on yourself for that. Just keep exploring and getting curious.
In order for me to reframe that belief, I told myself:
I am trying my best - and then I took action to support this belief. If I was trying something, I was showing up for it 100% - not half assed.
I’m worthy of greatness - and doing the mindset work to support this belief. Completely rewiring what I had told myself for years and years.
The biggest change for me, along with doing this work - was learning that I needed to acknowledge and take responsibility for my own actions, both past, present and future.
I needed to look at everything I’d been hiding from in order to shift my beliefs about myself and let go of everything that wasn’t serving me. I realised that everything that I ‘pretended’ didn’t exist, and everything I wanted to forget because of shame, guilt or embarrassment - was impacting me and hindering the way I lived my life.
But making the decision to take ownership of me, my life and my actions - I was able to take greater steps towards the future I wanted, because I stopped carrying around so much guilt and shame. Which again, isn’t the easiest thing to do, and it takes time, compassion and a lot of self-love - but it’s so worth it.
So, Let me ask you this….
What are you holding yourself back from?
The easiest way to stop holding yourself and to stop letting fear control you - is to DECIDE that you won’t tolerate that anymore.
Make the decision and declare right now what it is you want.
What do you want your life to look like?
What do you want to do?
What are you GOING to do?
There are so many times in my life where I made decisions about what I wanted, and what I chose for myself - and then I got to work. I took action despite it being: messy, terrifying, unknown and everything in between.
I made these decisions because I wanted a better life for myself.
My whole framework - the reason I am who I am today is because I made a decision and then took action.
While not every day is perfect, not every day is peachy - and I definitely didn’t feel like taking action every day - once I made the decision to change - I never turned back.
I never gave up on me - and look at where I am today.
I have what I have today - not because it was given to me - but because I made the decision and I did the work.
I know you have different dreams, wants and desires - and I know most of all that you want to love yourself, the body you’re in and be genuinely happy.
SO let’s make these decisions.
It’s time for you to choose you lovely.
Start from the start.
Get clear on what your fear is and how it’s holding you back and go from there.
