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How Narcissistic Relationships F*ck You Up...

I’m going to put it out there… Unless someone has dated a narcissist, been in an abusive / controlling relationship or had a stalker, they may not fully understand the impact that these relationships have on us. They think they understand and want to understand, but they don’t, and when they try to help, it can actually be really unhelpful because they don’t understand the emotional manipulation that you’ve experienced, which is ultimately what kept you in the relationship for so long, despite being completely broken.

I remember when I was being stalked by a massive creep, going to the police and them telling me there wasn’t anything they could do other than to call him and tell him to stop contacting me. After joining the police force I realised that was a crock of shit. There was so much they could do, they just didn’t know what, nor did they understand the impact of stalking, so they didn’t care. But that’s a story for another day, and a topic I will definitely discuss more in detail.

Back to narcissists. To put it bluntly, they’re fucking ass holes. They don’t care about anyone but themselves, they’ll treat you like shit and make you think you’ve done something wrong, but they are oh so charming, which unfortunately, keeps kind hearted, loving people like you coming back for more.

So what is a narcissist and how do you know if you’re dating one. Here are 11 typical traits of a narcissist in a relationship:

  1. They’re extremely charming at the start. They’ll compliment you, they’ll put you on a pedestal and make you feel so amazing about yourself because he wants you to think he’s ‘The One’.

  2. They love to talk about how good they are.

  3. They give you praise so you will praise them. By doing this, they really just want to hear you tell them how good they are. It’s a massive ego boost.

  4. They don’t have any empathy and they really don’t care about other people.

  5. You’ll start to notice they don’t have many (if any) long term friends.

  6. They start to put you down and insult you.

  7. They are the master of gaslighting! Unfortunately this can cause you to lose your sense of identity, forget who you are, believe everything is your fault, apologise unnecessarily and feel worthless.

  8. Sometimes they’ll dance around your relationship status, or they will tell you one thing but behave quite differently in front of other people.

  9. They believe they are always right and will not apologise.

  10. They panic if you try to break up with them, because they can’t accept someone other than them terminating the relationship because that means they lose control. If you try to end the relationship, they’ll turn the charm back on, tell you they’ll change and apologise insincerely.

  11. When the relationship ends, they’ll lash out. Some examples of this includes spreading rumours, lying to people, making you jealous and constantly insulting you (but worse than before).

Now that we’ve established what a narcissistic relationship looks like… How do you get out of it? You’ll hear people say – “Just leave”, “Why would you stay in a relationship like that”, “You deserve better”, “There are plenty more fish in the sea”, “I never liked him anyway” etc etc. These comments come from a good place, but like I said earlier, aren’t helpful because it’s easier said than done. The problem is, narcissists spend time laying solid foundations. They make you feel like a goddess, their Queen, they give you the confi