DANCING WITH MY SHADOW
How something I used to hide from became something I value the most.
It’s no secret that everyone’s emotions are heightened right now.
Small things we wouldn’t normally react to are ruining our day.
We feel emotional for no particular reason.
People from our past are pissing us off and making us doubt ourselves even more than before.
And honestly, I think we are all done with not being able to go anywhere.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the spiral of self-doubt, self-loathing, sadness and anger when there’s nothing we can do to distract ourselves.
But… should we be distracting ourselves or should we be questioning “WHY” we’re feeling this way? Should we be spending time getting curious with our shadow?
With this being the case, I thought I’d share some of the ways my shadow has impacted my life.
If you’ve never heard of your shadow, or don’t understand what it is… the easiest way to put it is, it’s the parts of us we try to ignore, try to pretend doesn’t exist or maybe parts of our lives and selves that we’re ashamed of. Think limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, projecting emotions onto other people… all that stuff.
I spent so many years in the shadows, so many years being scared and afraid, but ultimately just wanting to be loved. I wanted to feel good enough. I desperately wanted people to like me and wanted to *fit in*. I wanted to fit in so much that I was the world's biggest people pleaser, I was the *grey* man - meaning, I’d just agree with whatever people said because heaven forbid they don’t agree with me. But really, I was just petrified they would stop being my friend if I said something *wrong*.
The problem was, while I desperately wanted to be loved, I didn’t love myself. I didn’t even like myself, so how on earth did I think I could have these wonderful things?