I’m talking about change.
Change is funny isn’t it. I’ve always been open to change when it comes to work, but when it came to my personal life, it was a BIG FAT NO from me!
I would go out of my way to help other people, learn new things and do anything I could to make other people happy. Hello people pleaser extraordinaire.
The honest truth is that I avoided any change in my personal life like the plague. The idea of changing anything about my ‘ways’ was absolutely terrifying. I knew that I wasn’t happy and I knew that something had to change, but how and where do I even start.
I was happy to project my insecurities onto everyone else and take the attention away from me, because what if someone saw the *real* me?!
Unfortunately, I waited too long to change. I avoided my issues until I hit rock bottom.
I thought fulfilling my lifelong dream of being a police officer would fill that void. I would magically be better and all my problems would go away. Haha. 😂😂 That’s funny.
The truth is that being with the police only added to the layers of *things* I needed to deal with. I developed an even tougher exterior and while I thought I knew who I was, I actually had no fucking idea who I was. I’d lost *me* and developed the identity of a police officer. I moulded myself to fit into their stereotype and their expectations.
Which is why, when I left, I was so utterly lost and confused.
So how did I get from where I was then to where I am now?
I had to:
✔ Look at the areas of my life I tried to ignore (my shadow).
✔ Break down why I let other people’s opinions bother me so much.
✔ Address my trauma
✔ Work out what actually makes me happy. As in content, at peace, brings joy to my life – rather superficial, instant happiness.
✔ Discover *WHY* I do the things that I do
✔ Figure out who the fuck I am!
It’s funny, because reading through these 'to do's', they don’t look like much. If I’m completely honest, they look pretty easy.
But sometimes it’s the simplest things that are the hardest.
They are also the scariest. The simple things are what we avoid most because we know there might be pain, sadness, disappointed or guilt attached to it. Humans also really like making life harder for ourselves!
Which is why it doesn’t surprise me to see people doing ‘the work’ for years, but only really scratching the surface. They’re reading books and listening to video’s, but there’s still blocks there. There’s still something that’s…. just… not quite right.
Because it’s not easy.
Who chooses to put themselves through a painful situation?
Who chooses to admit to everything they’ve ever done? Especially the stuff they have tried for years to forget about.
Who chooses to actually open up the little box with all our secrets in order to figure out what the fuck is wrong with us?
ABSOLUTELY NO ONE! Well, until they do, and then it's a lifetime journey.
So how do you do it? How do you make life easy? How do you reconnect with who you are? How do you live a life you love?
My advice…
Get a Coach. Get someone who is going to be your sounding board. Your cheerleader. Your accountability buddy. Someone who is going to support you with what you need, no matter what. Someone who’s got your back and wants nothing but the best for yourself.
Allow yourself to lean into your fear, rather than shying away from it. Give yourself permission to let go of control and trust that you have someone in your corner who is going to catch you.
(Note: if you have unresolved trauma you need to address, and if you are depressed, my advice is to see a psychologist before getting a coach.)
While I get it can be really daunting to invest in yourself, it’s going to be the best thing you ever did.
Clothes, handbags, superficial things that people love to buy, will always be there. And while they might give you instant happiness, are they going to keep you happy long term? No.
Why do we find it so easy to go on a shopping spree, but have so much resistance to spending money on what actually matters?
It’s a mindset thing – we feel like we are wasting money or don’t have ‘money to spare’…
Honestly, investing in myself is the most important thing I’ve ever done.
I can honestly say, if I hadn’t invested in coaches, I would still be where I was 12 months ago – because it’s so much harder to make big changes in your life by yourself.
It’s why people train at gyms instead of at home. Because they have someone pushing them, helping them achieve their goals.
It’s why people pay people to give them meal plans or send them their pre-planned meals. Because it makes their life easier.
If investing in yourself, would make your life easier… why aren’t you doing it?
So, while I get that the things that are scary, the things that you have the most resistance to feel hard and uncomfortable… That is exactly why you need to do them.
They are scary for a reason… Because they MEAN something to you.
You don’t feel scared buying a new jumper do you?
But buying a self-development program… SHIT! 😨
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that if you are done with just feeling ‘ok’ and want to live that vibrant life that the people who inspire you are living…
Rip the bandaid off…
Strap yourself in.
Get a coach, and get to work.
I’d love to know.. What is the one thing that stops you from investing in yourself?