Why I was ashamed of having a stalker...

Something I haven’t shared often, or at all really, is about the stalker I had...

To be honest, sometimes I forget it ever happened, but then other times I’ve felt so ashamed of it that I feel worthless.

I know ashamed seems like a weird emotion for a victim of stalking to experience… so I’ll share with you why that's how I felt.

It started about 6 months before I joined the police force, so at the start of 2011 (fuck that seems like a lifetime ago 🙈). I was working in recruitment and had a study day and my boss called me. She asked if my then boyfriend would leave a naughty message on my work phone.

I was thinking “WTF!” – Um…. NO. Firstly, he wouldn’t ring my landline, but secondly, he would DEFINITELY NOT leave a dirty message on my phone.

Apparently some guy had called my work phone and left message talking about my breasts… 🤢Super fucking weird. I was hoping they had a wrong number.

Anyway, a week or so after that, I got a message from an unknown number. And it was a dirty message. Like... I'm talking REALLY FUCKING dirty.

I asked who it was… They wouldn’t tell me – but then sent a series of really fucking crass messages. Like… I’m talking about messages that you wouldn’t send your partner because they were so filthy. (Well – I wouldn’t anyway). They were gross. Just disgusting.

I instantly felt sick. I didn't admit it at the time, but I was petrified. Who was this person?!

I told them to fuck off…

But they didn’t. For the next week I got a message a day.

I reported it to the police, who did nothing. Surprise, surprise. (Unfortunately not many general duties police are familiar with stalking and the impact it has on victims). They said they tried calling the person but he didn’t answer, so I should just ignore them.

I also should note – this was before you could block numbers on your mobile phone.

Anyway.. So after the initial barrage of revolting messages. They spaced out to once a week for a couple of months. Then once a month-ish.